I lack celerity get me out of her

I miss Katie Price/Jordan in I'm a (fill the rest in yourself). She's not my idea of the ideal woman, in fact, she looks slightly scary and she talks like David Beckham, but give her her due, when the Great British Public voted for her to eat minced bat testicles washed down with kangaroo love juice she lapped it up - well, sort of. And she did it with some humour and not a little bravery. All this just goes to show you the power of the vote. Of course, the wheels fell off that one slightly when, after six or seven successive meals of wombat snot and the like, KP/J said she was off. And who can blame her?

But what is really intriguing to my mind about all this, is how keen the public can be to exercise their vote. Given something they're interested in, they vote early, and, seeing as they're allowed to, I'm willing to bet they vote often. ITV don't release voting figures so KP/J's ordeals may have been settled by the whim of little more than the collective might of a village the size of Little Torrington. But even so, I still feel my main point stands, which is that give people something to vote on in which they are interested and they will vote. After all, the voting on I'm a etc etc takes place in a short space of time, day after day.

All of which brings me to the subject of elections. How often do you have an election? Are your elections strong and vigorous? Are they firm enough to give you pleasure? Sorry, I'm drifting off towards some sort of knob joke, which is not the idea, at all. The thing is that in a few months our wonderful country will have a general election and the turn out will - and I'd love to be proved wrong - be woefully small. For people living in a supposedly advanced democracy we really don't seem to give a toss on the outcome of the process to choose our leaders. And I fear that is because people just aren't interested enough. "They're all the same," goes the weary refrain. Such cynicism is understandable, especially as most of the parties seem to make policies up as they go along in order to garner favourable coverage.

In the constituency where I live I am saddened to say I am considering not voting. This is a shaming admission because I know of the sacrifices made in this country for the vote and the sacrifices that people in some countries would gladly make if only they could vote to choose their leaders. But my question is: will my vote make the slightest difference? The candidates where I live are likely to be a self-aggrandising twerp, a literally hopeless makeweight, a flip-flopping fool and assorted nutters and bed-wetters from the variety of parties that might well pop out of the woodwork for the election. Where will it all end? I've not sorted this problem out yet, but I intend to.