Do we want to be like Belgium?

Well do we? Former Chief of Defence Staff Lord Guthrie wants to know. At least I assume he does seeing as he asked the question on the radio this morning. I took him at his word. When I think of Belgium I think of superb beer, wonderful chocolate and shooting a nun with a pellet gun.

The first two of these speak for themselves: some of the best beers in the world – in my opinion – come from Belgium and likewise for chocolate. As for shooting a nun with a pellet gun this was a youthful transgression on my part and the nun escaped unharmed. I suspect she was also oblivious of the grievous assault seeing as her capacious habit absorbed the projectile which was shot from behind. Before anyone worries too much about the nun, the weapon used was a spring-powered gun sold to children and I was a child at the time. My friends and I all had these guns, which we bought during a family holiday in Belgium and we all shot each other with them with no harmful effect. Having said that, it’s just the sort of incident which these days would see a police armed response vehicle showing up with the likelihood of the cops firing off a few rounds because, as we all know, the war on terror must never cease.

So to get back to the noble lord’s question: on the basis that beer and chocolate get a yes vote and nun-shooting gets a no that’s still a majority verdict in favour of being like Belgium. Of course, I suspect that Lord Guthrie wasn’t thinking of beer and chocolate, although strangely enough shooting (but not of nuns) was probably more on his mind. So basically what he wanted to know was does Great Britain want to be a force on the world stage with enough military muscle to still be considered a bit tasty or would we settle for a smaller military capability and consequently a reduced role in international affairs. Lord Guthrie made his view fairly plain and wants more money for the Army, in particular, so we as a nation can carry on doing what he clearly considers to be good things around the world (also known as other people’s countries).

I suppose it would be naïve of me to suggest that shedding our reputation as a nation ready to wade in, usually behind the USA, with all guns blazing need not be a bad thing. I expect Belgium has its moments, it certainly is a country with a grim colonial past, but by and large it seems to keep itself to itself – except for the beer and choccies. Having said all that, and having suggested I might not vote in the forthcoming General Election, I was impressed by the enthusiasm in Iraq for those voting in their recent elections, despite the worst efforts of bombers believed to be linked to Saddam’s Baath party. The question Lord Guthrie might then reasonably ask is: would elections in Iraq have been achieved using only copious applications of beer and choccies?