The question children ask their parents on journeys could equally be posed by the electorate as we inch towards the General Election. For God's sake, how much longer must we wait until...well, until what? The election campaign has got under way, it's just that nobody will really admit it. It is typified by each of the three main parties - or the two main parties and the Liberal Democrats - saying that the others are pants. So in a sense, we are "there", the election is under way in everything but name.
And to make matters even better, the parties have started coming up with some slogans. Labour said "A future fair for all" and the Tories said "Vote for change". I'm not sure if the Lib-Dems have come up with anything at all - maybe "Don't forget us". Anyway, as slogans go the ones we have been informed about so far cannot be said to be too edgy. Did Labour toy with "A future fair for some of you and the rest can f*ck off". Were the Conservatives considering "Please, please, please vote for us - we want a go now".
Here in North Devon - the geographical area covered by two constituencies, that is - will any of this make any difference? It's not rocket surgery to suggest that Lib Dem Nick Harvey will hang on in North Devon, the political seat, as the Tories and their wayward offspring - Independent Rodney Cann, UKIP and a smattering of right-wing groups with their eyes too close together - bitch and moan at each other and tumble over the Reichenbach Falls. In Torridge and West Devon, I suppose the safe bet is sitting Tory Geoffrey Cox, if only because he hasn't done anything you could specifically point your finger at and say "You clown, what's that all about" or alternatively "Well done, Geoffrey, you're just the sort of bloke in a tweed jacket we need round here".
But, as I have said before, I am contemplating not voting at all. My head says I should, my heart says "Sod that, what's the point". This is a point of view that I have begun to hold more strongly since MPs awarded themselves a £1,000 a year pay rise. After the shitstorm MPs went through over their expenses, this move is the equivalent of a chavvy crim in a magistrates' court flicking the bench the V-sign as he leaves, having been let off once again. The thinking of the MPs/chavvy crim goes: I've been done for the more serious crime (fiddling my expenses) at this late stage in the hearing (Parliament) are they really going to haul me back for more punishment. The difference being, of course, that the chavvy crim has received some sort of sanction; by and large, MPs have got off Scot free and seem intent in carrying on in their merry way.
Anyway, someone once said (I think it was poet ee cummings) "A politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man". If he were still alive, I expect cummings would have found some way to add "or a woman".
As a complete aside, I went to the Plough, Torrington, the other night to see Tavaziva Dance perform Wild Dog which was completely baffling, but the women dancers were fit as and the men dancers put fat slobs like me to shame. Dance, it's just a bit weird for a bloke like me.
Just reflecting on the Reichenbach Falls bit, that was where Sherlock Holmes and arch-criminal Professor Moriarty tumbled to their deaths in each other's grip. Holmes' death, even though of a fictional character, caused such a stink that Conan-Doyle had to bring him back to life. Would that happen to the Tories in North Devon (not forgetting disgruntled ex-Tory Rod "Rodders" Cann)? Nah, let's hope not.
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