Having trouble getting things moving in North Devon

OK, I am a man married to a woman. I have helped in the conception and birth of some more females, now all young women. I sprang - many years ago - from the loins of a woman and I have one sibling, a sister. Also I know lots of women and work with women, in fact, the part of the office I work in is just me and six women. So what I am trying to say is that I have heard them talking. My wife, my daughters, my mum, my sister, my colleagues and female friends all like to talk to each other and I like to listen (no honestly, I do, I love listening to women talking, it's so much more revealing and embracing than men's uni-directional conversation).

So, very slowly, what I am getting round to saying is that not once, never, ever, have I heard the women I know talk about constipation. And the reason I mention this, is that ridiculous TV advert in which a group of women in a cafe/bar engage in conversation about how one of them is constipated. To use her words - more or less - 'It's all hard and foul' - I think that's what she said. Now I know this is only an advert and is the result of someone coming up with an idea to advertise a product - in this case, something called 'stool softener' - but dear God this is rooted in some hideous fantasy world in which poor little women grapple with utterly ridiculous problems.

Adverts in the same vein offer shower gel suitable for 'intimate use', unguents for making women less hairy and medication capable of dealing instantly with diarrhoea. This latter product is aimed specifically at women and shows a woman bounding out of the house, only to rush back in because the proverbial flock of starlings is about to emerge from her backside. However, she pops a couple of pills and within minutes is in the cinema with her girly friend chucking popcorn down her throat like there's no tomorrow and no gastro-intestinal problems either.

I'm not going to go off on some sort of feminist rant, although I suspect if I were a woman I would find men more than a little risible. However, it is a bit of a call for women (and, I suppose, men) to stand up and say: 'We're not going to put up with this crud any more'. It would be hard to conceive of more ridiculous scenarios than most adverts. Little boys wanting to take a dump in their friend's toilets because they smell better is but one example. From the sitting room, where the TV is on, I can hear an advert where a talking meerkat is advertising a comparison website. . . . I mean, where will it all end?

So get a grip people, watch the adverts by all means, but then, very politely, just say NO.